Resting From Resentment

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. Hebrews 12:14-15 (NKJV)

I recently had a very good conversation with the leader of my Christian men’s Bible study group concerning forgiveness. I was dealing with a specific resentment toward another person. I knew what Jesus taught about forgiveness, that it wasn’t simply a righteous suggestion, but a commandment, to be given without condition (Luke 17:4). If it’s a conditional forgiveness, then it becomes retaliation (a punishment). I thought I’d forgiven this individual, but I wasn’t sure where holding them accountable crossed the line into blame, bitterness and resentment, and I was still feeling resentment whenever I would think of what they had done to me.

This brother is very wise and there was no judgment against me. He said, “That’s an excellent question, Ken. I’ve found in most cases I’ve seen and dealt with, that if there’s resentment it means there’s been no forgiveness. You can’t have resentment if you’ve forgiven.”

I realized I hadn’t surrendered my hurt to Christ in the matter and that I needed to deal with it. I re-approached this individual, confessed my resentments and asked for their forgiveness, clearing the air. They appreciated my honesty and offered grace to me in their forgiveness.

I’ve known Christians who acquiesced to the principle of forgiveness, yet not to the practice of its true nature and purpose. One person told me they’d forgiven me of a past trespass I’d committed against them yet continued to hold onto their hurt and resentment for what I’d done.

My group leader pointed out that “Our only duty is to seek and ask forgiveness. The burden then rests on the person being asked. They can forgive or choose not to, but it’s on them, not you. You’ve done your part. If resentments continue, then I would have to think their forgiveness came from the head and not the heart and for them to find rest from resentment that needs to be addressed.”

Without the strength and proper power, which can only come from God, forgiveness just becomes pretty prose. Nice words to salve our conscience and not the firm commitment to hand our hurt over to Christ and walk away fully justified in our clemency.

Forgiveness is mainly for us, to free us from hurt and suffering. When you can’t forgive someone, pray for them. It may not change them, but it will change you.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong and in Christ, when we are at our weakest, we stand at our strongest (2^nd Corinthians 12:10). It goes from forgiveness in principle to forgiveness with the fullest and most satisfying purpose, that frees us from hurt, pain and suffering. The weak may give mental ascent, but lip service is all talk. Forgiveness, and the rest it brings, is always the attribute of the strong and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).

Ken