From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave, too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. John 6:66, 67
I have
shared in the past how one day I felt pain when I stood up from my desk, and
how that pain evolved into two years of living hell and suffering for myself,
and especially for my wife and two teenaged daughters who were held captive in
it, yet unable to offer me lasting relief from it. Doctors, including specialists, misdiagnosed
my symptoms time after time, leaving me in my uncertainty to lie in bed to
quote Job 13:15 through clinched teeth: “Though he slay me, yet will I hope
in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.”
In my
suffering I was attacked from both secular and spiritual sides. My own doctor’s nurse was convinced I was
faking and was constantly telling him so. And one of the ladies from my church,
whose identity I later discovered, sent me an unsigned card saying, “If you’ll
just get your focus off yourself and onto Jesus, you won’t be suffering.”
The short
story is a medical team at the Scottsdale, AZ, Mayo Clinic were able to
identify my issue as a fast growing, mostly benign, brain tumor called an acoustic
neuroma. In the interim of the time it went undiagnosed, it grew against my brain stem into the size of a lemon, lodged in a space the
size of a walnut. Because it lay against
my brain stem and was so massive, the five Mayo surgeons would only removed half of
it. I was told I was in surgery 20
hours. The surgeons felt because it was so close to the brain stem, any more
aggressive surgery could either kill me or leave me in a vegetative state.
The Mayo
team said to wait 6 to 9 months and it was possible the residual tumor
could move away from the brain stem and the rest of it could be safely removed.
That is what happened. The residual was removed 9 months later in a second
surgery and I have remained tumor-free to this day. When my doctor told his
nurse of the tumor, my wife heard her exclaim, “You mean there was really something wrong
with him?”
I’ve been
asked more than once why, through such an ordeal, I didn’t get mad at God or people and lose my faith. I
said, “It never occurred to me. God may have allowed it, but He didn’t do it to
me. When Jesus asked the Twelve if they would leave Him, Peter said ‘Lord to
whom shall we go? You have the words of
eternal life. We have come to believe you are the Holy One of God.’ I came out with my faith and confidence in God strengthened.”
I’m not putting myself on the par of Job. That brother suffered far more than I could have ever endured. But God’s grace was sufficient for my particular season of suffering.
In the darkness you may be stumbling through,
I can only say Christ is there with you and He’s placed His angels around you
to hold you up so you will not stumble (Psalm 91:11, 12).
No matter
the outcome, if you trust Him, His perfect will for you will be accomplished.
Where else will you go to find that kind of peace? Only He, as the Holy One of God, has the
words of your eternal life. Hold onto Him whose words and
promises are true. He knows what you’re
facing. He’s skin close to you right now and in the very next breath you
take. Trust in Him Beloved! He will
never leave you or forsake you. This is why you can stay. I speak from experience. Blessings to you this week.
Ken
