I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. Psalm 69:3
Is God Still Good in the Blindside?
I've heard many say “God is so good meeting my need.” There is a lot of truth in that statement but I've not heard many folks say how good God is when they are blindsided and heaven is silent.
In 1992 I stood up after sitting at my word processor. I felt a pain in my back. By 1993 the pain turned to 24/7 agony putting me into bed and in a wheelchair when out. As my pain worsened day by day my family and I knew I was dying. Even with that thought more and more on my mind each day I rested in 2nd Corinthians 5:8, that to be absent from the body would be to be at home with Christ.
I remember being laid up in bed in great agony, often speaking Job 13:15 out loud through clenched teeth to the ceiling; “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him, yet I will argue my ways to His face.” There were no doctors or specialists in my state that could diagnose the reason for my crippling pain. A couple even told me “You'll have to learn to live with it.” This horror went on for a year and a half with many nights of lost sleep for myself and my family due to the agonizing pain. In all that time if anyone had asked me if I thought God was still good my instant reply would have been “Yes.”
In March of 1994 I went to the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, AZ. They diagnosed me with a huge benign brain tumor called an Acoustic Neuroma that was attached to my brain stem. I had surgery to remove it April 18. I'm told I was in surgery 23 hours. Even at that amount of time because the mass was attached to my brain stem the surgeons couldn't remove it all because it could leave me paralyzed, deaf, blind, or all of them. Before the surgery my surgeons only gave me 30% chance of surviving. After the surgery, due to the tumors location in my head, I lost my motor skills and spent time in a rehabilitation facility learning how to walk, talk, and eat again.
Nine months later, after returning home, the residual tumor had moved away from my brain stem and was able to be safely surgically removed. My pain and suffering ended. I came through it with total deafness in my left ear and the left side of my face and mouth paralyzed. I learned to walk again and was able to regain most of my motor skills but due to losing a lot of my balance due to the tumor's trauma I had to be alert to falling.
One morning in a Sunday school class I was asked why I didn't blame God for my suffering and forsake Him. I referred the class to John 6:67-69 to when many of Jesus' disciples deserted Him. He asked the twelve “You do not want to leave Me, too, do you?” Peter replied for the twelve, “LORD to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know You are the Holy One of God.” I simply believed the LORD was my only possible option.
The tumor has never regrown, but with age I'm facing some very difficult physical challenges. But God is still good. If you are facing dark times, whatever it may be, illness, loss of a loved one, a marriage breakup or however you may be feeling you've been blindsided, you have Someone you can turn to. The Lord is faithful and can turn molten pain into spiritual steel. He has never and will never leave you. Turn to the LORD. He is the only one who has the words of life. He can bring you through with stronger faith and unfaltering trust. His Word is His bond and He always remains good in the blindside.